You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
