please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
