The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize