How'd it feel making her break her religion?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
