So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
