Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
