I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
