woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Oh god it's open bar.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
