I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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