Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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