after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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