is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
