AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
