dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
