Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
