I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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