Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
