..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
