Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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