he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Its about making memories worth repressing
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize