I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
