capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
