i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
