Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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