a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
How naked do you want me to be?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
