and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Drunk is a universal language darling
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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