I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
