I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
