Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
