I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize