you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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