Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
