3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize