when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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