I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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