$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
