there's paper in my vomit.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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