My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
