Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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