I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Let's get the cat blown out
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
