hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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