dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
from now on my penis is your penis
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have feelings that need drinking.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
