either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
