the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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