Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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