So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
