I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
