Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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