They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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