I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
