hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
