When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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