I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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