those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
