Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
