I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
