oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
