you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize