So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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