People with herpes should wear stickers.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Did I show you my penis last night?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
