Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
