The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
