How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
