i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
