they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's shark week go big or go home
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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