You work out of a Hotel?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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