Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
