I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
