My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
