Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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