i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
